I have been very persistently making efforts for last good about 6 months now, to find my dream job, wishing it, visualizing it, even seeing myself sitting in that chair, juggling figures on an excel sheet while barking orders on the phone! i have tried all possible ways to generate positive vibes and draw the job to me. Honestly, I don’t even recall the number of nights I spent thinking, wondering, hoping, praying, worrying. But, all to no avail. This evening as I set out for my evening jog, I began to wonder who controls my life; is it me, my wishlist or a higher power? Do I drive the things happening in my life or am I driven by them. The realization shattered a long-held myth of mine, that I am in control of my life. I curiously explored this thought deeper. I am not able to control the situations from occurring in my life. I am only able to control my response to those situations. I can not pick and choose the people or happenings in my life; albeit, I can only choose how I can handle them, the best way I can. Only in that sense, I can be called the controller of my life.
So, does that mean I should stop dreaming or wishing? Should I have no goals in life? Certainly not. It just means that I should pursue my goals with sincere, honest efforts. Results are out of my hand. These goals, wishes cannot be the reason I exist. A job is not the reason I exist. A promotion is not the reason I exist. And, these are not the reasons without which I shall perish. I live, simply because I am alive. Its the here and now, the heart beating inside, the rhythmic breathing, the strength in my legs, the glow of health on my face and a sense of peace in the heart. This is what I live for. And these are in my control! As long as the heart beats in its rhythm, as long as the peace fills my soul, as long as I can chin up and face another day, I am in control.